Reading?
So let’s start with the real deal. 3 Reasons keep coming up when I ask people (other full-time working people usually) why they don’t read.
Time - Who has the time to read a book, any book? So why waste my time reading a business book that I don’t know will help or not?
Simplistic or unapplicable - I hear this all the time. “I already knew that.” But just because you knew it doesn’t mean you were putting the best practice… you know, into practice.
Boring - Reading is boring. I could be pwning noobs in Halo Infinite like the Halo glory days. I could be watching some movie that allows me to chill. Or, you know, sometimes the mood strikes a wife. In the end, many find reading boring. - Breaks my heart, btw. But I get it.
So Why Business Books for Fatherhood?
When I first became a full-time dad, I started reading parenting books. And while I certainly have some favorites, few have helped me gain insight into how I could improve myself rather than attempt to control my children. And look, I know it’s a lot easier to change your children. They are terrible little reflections of you. But if you change you, then you also change the reflection.
Most best-sellers in the parenting genre center on the child and his/her/their experience, and you definitely need some of that in your reading. However, some of the best sources for increasing my abilities and bettering my reflection come from business books. Summed up its self-leadership.
Leadership
The best business books today focus on leadership. Titles like:
7 Habits of Highly Effective People,
or Dare to Lead,
focus on improving our self-leadership and connection to those we set an example for and serve.
And fatherhood is leadership. It doesn’t matter if you are an intern at the office and your wife makes most of the income. You are still a leader. But unfortunately, almost none of the parenting books have this leadership focus. The reasons are manifold, and I won’t bore you with those details. So, as a dad, I read leadership books to improve myself, which enhances my family life because I am less exasperating.
Case Study
So let’s address these concerns in a case study. I recently finished Daniel Pink’s “The Power of Regret.” This book is a decent argument against these concerns, and business books and authors are getting better at addressing these concerns.
Author and Book Construction and Considering Time
Alright, first, let’s talk about the author. Daniel Pink is an intelligent dude who wrote for Al Gore, studied Law at Yale, and has several other business books best-sellers. Smart guy, good writer, and trustworthy sources are all critical when picking books to read because if you go for fun first, the data may suck, and you will have wasted your time.
Also, in an interview for this and other books, Pink noted he organized the book to be read on a flight, in-between meetings, or in a free moment. That means frequent breaks in the chapters and a style of writing that you can pick up and put down. For example, it took me two weeks (probably read the rest of the book in that time) to read chapter 9. However, I could pick it up and put it down, no problem.
So to address the time issue. Business books are getting shorter, more to the point, and constructed by authors to respect your time. They do this by packing it full of meaningful and connected information rather than fluff, and the outline of the book allows it to come at you in short chunks.
Regrets
Now that we have talked about the author, Daniel Pink, let’s talk about the book, “The Power of Regret.”
Umm, I don’t know about you. But I have regrets as a dad. My fathering and fatherhood aren’t perfect. Maybe yours are, and perhaps you should be writing instead of me. However, I suspect that we all have fatherhood regrets. We are so busy that we fail to recover from them until it is too late. Or we are emotionally hollow and fail to realize the damage. Regrets about family life eat women alive. They fret over everything. But it’s not like we haven’t shouted at our children only to want those words and tone back immediately. (I hear my wife. Tone, Jacob, tone.)
So, we can either continue to repeat our mistakes or do something about them. I am a firm believer in doing something about them sooner than later. I have taught my kids the basics of yard work and chores despite being only 5 and 2. I want them to be competent at things as soon as possible. Does it cost more on the front? O yeah! But when your kids can do their laundry or mow the lawn when they are ten. The rewards that I will reap.
Back to regret, having spoken with several men over the years, we all have regrets. Unfortunately, most of us just fail to do something about them until it blows up in our faces and forces a confrontation. Why not head off that confrontation?
The Power of Regret
Insert Daniel Pink’s book, “The Power of Regret.” Regret, as Pink argues, is a tool. It allows us to travel through time and imagine outcomes if things were different or if things go one way or another. The goal is not to wallow in or dismiss regret but to utilize it. Like many of his contemporaries, Pink feeds his conclusions not with hunches but with data and analytics.
First, he breaks regret into major categories so we can understand the emotion of regret. Then the whole last third of the book is about what to do. It has tangible action steps and applications. One of the key ones is to talk about your regrets and then have accountability for the action to do something different.
If you want to be a better father, it might behoove you to improve from your past mistakes rather than keep making them. This book teaches you how to use the regret from the mistakes to move in a positive direction.
The beauty of this book is that it doesn’t only apply to fatherhood. It applies to business, marriage, other relationships, or daily life. We all have regrets in a wide variety of areas. What if we seized the opportunity and did something better and different?
This book, like many other business-style books, teaches us self-leadership. When we lead ourselves well, we can lead others well, perhaps most importantly, our family.
One more thing - Humility
But that’s not all. Alongside reading books like this, we develop a humble mindset. Others might call it a learner’s mindset or something similar. When you continuously engage in reading books like this one, you open yourself up to learning. When we are learners, we don’t have all the answers. We can create a bank or palace to learn in. The bank of humility pays considerable dividends in our family life.
While being a better listener and question-asker will help you get ahead at work. But listening to your wife, being interested and engaged in what she says, is the key to many women’s hearts. Treating your children with dignity gives them confidence and self-assurance. Dignity meets people where they are at and expects not too much, nor does it take away their unique contributions to the moment. It generates the safety of home. When we achieve a certain level of humility, we afford people dignity. Dignity goes a long way.
Application
So let’s sum up a response to objection 2 - the book isn’t applicable. Of course, some books aren’t, but many do have a lot to teach us, and they are data and research reinforced. Better yet, even if you don’t get much from the content from the actual book, reading books designed for you (see author argument) opens you up to a humble mindset. Humility leads to dignity, and affording people more dignity pays dividends at work and home.
If you aren’t interested in dividends at work and home, why are you here?
It’s Boring
I get it. Some books are a drier read. And The Power of Regret is not the best when it comes to fun. However, it is fascinating:
There are stories throughout about people overcoming or failing to overcome regret.
There is a systematic approach to engaging with the emotive force of regret.
A few pictures and graphs shake things up and keep them interesting.
Interesting is the opposite of boring. And maybe you slog through one boring one to get to a couple of genuinely funny ones. Adam Grant’s “Think Again” (cartoons!) or Jon Acuff’s “Soundtracks” (so funny) come to mind.
I get it. Reading is not everyone’s cup of tea (because you like coffee). That’s why there are audiobooks and podcasts. I am more of a visual learner, though, so I like books. The important thing is to engage in content that continually opens you up. And in my experience, listening allows me to dismiss rather than engage with content I don’t readily agree with. Of course, you may be different, and that’s ok. But I toss the warning to think about what you listen to, especially if you disagree.
What are you reading?
If you aren’t reading a book right now, pick up one of the ones I mentioned in this article. I read all the time about a wide variety of subjects. You can ask for a specific topic or problem in the comments.
If you want to be a better father today and over the long run, I don’t recommend many theo-parenting books or Christian fathering books. They have great ideas about what to do to or with your children, but they don’t do a lot of changing you, in my experience. So instead, the biggest bang for your buck is to start with business leadership books. Then as you have opened yourself up or encounter specific issues, go for a parenting book or distinct problem-based parenting books. I have a list of those that I return to all the time.
What about you, though? What has been your experience, or what are you reading? I love a good suggestion.
If this helped you or you want to start a conversation. Forward it to a friend or share it on social media.